Night Fart

19 Apr

Last night, my wife was farting up a storm. In her sleep. We had a guest using the other bedroom so the kids stayed with us. I counted fourteen farts before I stopped counting. It was two AM, and I was feeding the little one, when I witnessed the phenomenon. You know the sound that a semi-trailer makes on the highway sometimes? Like the driver lets go of the gas pedal   and a horse like noise comes out. That’s what her farts sounded like. And she didn’t even move, not even a moan. One of them was so loud that it startled my first born  so much that he almost fell off the bed. I had to push him with my foot so he stays on his bed and doesn’t end up on the floor. How can such a beautiful creature produce suce thunders? Yes, my foot, I was feeding the baby.

About a half an hour later, my wife wasn’t farting anymore, the baby was asleep. I was wiped. I finally went to sleep. I woke up a couple of hours later realizing that my son somehow managed to sneak into our bed, and was now patting me on the shoulder and saying: “su-si, su-si…” I just barked: “NO PUSHING” and closed my eyes. It took my a while to understand that I in the boy’s way and this gentleman of a toddler was actually saying: “excuse me” cause he wanted to get off the bed and go play.

What a shitty dad.farts like a truck


6 Responses to “Night Fart”

  1. averagechildhood April 19, 2012 at 2:31 am #

    It’s quite possible every time I wake up tonight I’m going to be asking my husband “I wasn’t keeping you awake farting was I?” He’s going to think I’m nuts!

  2. memyselfandkids April 29, 2012 at 9:44 pm #

    Funny. You didn;t mention smells – hopefully it wasn’t too deadly.

  3. jlee5879 June 6, 2012 at 10:47 pm #

    I actually laughed out loud!

  4. BodaciousBodacious July 1, 2012 at 4:05 am #

    Found this hilarious – bet your wife was pleased you blogged about it

    • shittydad July 1, 2012 at 2:57 pm #

      Thanks! My wife is just happy that I don’t tell people we know about this blog…

  5. Cos Wicca Mom July 2, 2012 at 4:51 pm #

    I’m just impressed you were feeding the baby at 2 am!

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