28 Apr

Broken NunchuckHypocrisy. You and the kid are eating an apple. You give him shit when he tells you he wants a “big one” (big piece), explaining moderation to a two year old while taking such huge bites that it’s a miracle you don’t choke to death.

Wii 1. You are playing soccer online, and just about to lose to a 13 year old kid (or the fat middle aged jerk) on the other side of the world, when the baby starts crying. you pick her up, but you don’t stop playing. She is still crying. Apparently, the constant motion of the remote and Nunchuck don’t do much to soothe her. You finish the game.

Wii 2. You are playing soccer online, when your son comes in all exited and screaming “Gooooooool” just like you taught him. He is trying to hug you and runs around. you understand that this is the last game you are going to play today. You give him a broken Nunchuck that you have  and make him believe that he is actually contributing to the game. He is very happy for a little while.

iPad. You take your kid’s iPad to play Solitaire in the bathroom when you need to shit. You do it so often that you start breaking records.

Park. The kid is begging you to go to the playground, yet you go to the grocery store.

Jerkoff. It’s late and you are doing your “thing” when you hear the beginning of what is soon to be a hungry crying baby. What to do? Do you quit everything and rush to the baby, or do you continue to finish your business risking the entire house waking up angry? Either way, you need to remember to wash your hands.


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