16 Jun

Getting hit in the balls is no fun. I am about ninty percent sure it wasn’t on pupose though. I leave ten percent open cause you can never know.

The personnel at our weekly recreational soccer game ranges from people who played in college/high school, to people whose first time seeing a soccer ball was when we convinced them to come and play with us. Such is the case with our offender. he only played with us a couple of times, and while very athletic, he is as far from being a soccer player as one can be.

The ball just rolled to him. I was no more then four feet away, facing him. I said “nice and easy, nice and easy” (I sometimes say important things twice) but when I looked at him I knew that A. He didn’t hear a word I said, B. It wasn’t going to be nice, or easy and C. That he wasn’t going to let this one go away. This time the ball is not going to slip under his foot, he’s not going to fall on his ass like before, he’s not gonna let it happen. I just stood there.

This was the shot of his life. And it hit me right in the middle. I heard somewhere that when you get hit in the balls you don’t feel the pain right away. BULLSHIT. It hurts like a motherfucker.I felt my penis being tear to shreds, I felt my testicles heat up and swell so much that I thought they would hatch. I collapsed on my knees and just set there for a couple of seconds suffering but also being thankful that I already have two kids in case I won’t be able to make any more of them.

I ended up scoring two goals after that, one for each damaged ball. When I came home my son ran to me with an Elmo doll, and struck me right in the balls with it. WTF?


4 Responses to “Huevos”

  1. Md. Alsanda June 17, 2012 at 6:07 pm #

    Two goals for each damaged ball ” Bad deal”,
    you are very kind, It should be Ten goals for each,
    you forgot the risk of not having kids. 🙂

  2. MailboxCook June 18, 2012 at 1:02 am #

    the same thing happened to my 4 year old son, and he hasn’t had a kid since

    • shittydad June 18, 2012 at 7:39 am #

      Tell him to try harder, maybe not all is lost.

  3. daddyranman June 19, 2012 at 8:02 am #

    Wow there’s a hit out there on your balls

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