People Who Don’t Have Kids

20 Jun

People who don’t have kids:

– Think you are a slacker and that you are having fun when you take a personal day to stay home with a sick kid.

– Can drive tiny cars.

– Probably have less sex then you, but say they do.

-Don’t value the power of Mad Man as an anaesthesiac.

– Don’t know what they are missing even though you really want to change places with them sometimes.

– Are not on your side when you are holding the line at the store because your diapers coupon isnot accepted and you make a scene.

– Think that if you are tired in the morning it’s because you were partying all night. They don’t know that you tucked everybody in, and waited until they are all asleep so you can finally hide somewhere and jerk off.

– Have no idea about the PBS morning lineup.

– Bring the noisiest, messiest gifts.

– Hear: “We need more formula” and ask: “Are you a scientist?”

– Are not as brave as you are. You clean shit everyday. They would never shake your hand again if they saw you do it.

Dirty Diaper


13 Responses to “People Who Don’t Have Kids”

  1. averagechildhood June 20, 2012 at 10:20 pm #

    Ah yes the noisy messy gift. Now that my siblings are starting to have kids I am imagining revenge, but then I realize I’m not that cruel…

  2. Bodacious June 20, 2012 at 10:49 pm #

    And let’s not forget that people with no children actually have money in their savings account! Still wouldn’t swop my life for theirs.

  3. memyselfandkids June 20, 2012 at 11:19 pm #

    Some funny comments on this list and a number of them left me shaking my head.

  4. clotildajamcracker June 21, 2012 at 11:20 am #

    People who have no children just know everything there is to know about raising kids and give all sorts of advice. If you take their advice, however, your kids will be all screwed up.

  5. bellytobabyandbeyond June 21, 2012 at 9:07 pm #

    Haha, I liked the jerk off part. But yes, most of it’s true. And don’t forget the whole if you say you’re hungry they think you either starve yourself or are an emotional eater not realizing your last meal was your kids leftovers.

  6. Katie Jane June 23, 2012 at 10:38 am #

    Your blog is one of the few I have to read in private for fear of laughing out very loud in public. I’m visiting my dad this weekend and will definitely be sending him your way!

  7. hazrock June 23, 2012 at 11:32 pm #

    Totally relate to your first point. I have left that hostile workplace.

  8. daddyranman June 24, 2012 at 7:23 am #

    Reblogged this on daddyranman and commented:
    Whilst I am away at my last bachelor party ever, I am still a dad. Here’s stuff that also pisses me off as a dad. Thanks shittydad.

  9. everyday dada July 2, 2012 at 1:24 am #

    funny as always.

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