Indian Buffet

29 Jul

I love Indian food. Buffet style especially.
My stomach, not so much.

This is why when i walk into the restaurant I’m always happy, exchanging pleasantries with the staff, throwing a couple of jokes up in the air. I enjoy the food. Take my time, go for a second and sometimes a third serving.
But when I leave I’m always running. Barely making it to the bathroom at home. There were a few cases where my wife had to take over the wheel and drive, because I was afraid that braking would result in a wet fart.

Having kids with you, especially a baby complicates things because a great baby would let you eat without any interruptions, but would get hungry right after that so instead of racing for the car, you now have to sit and feed your child and smile and be nice to all the people who congratulate you on your wonderful kids.
One might ask why don’t I just go to the toilet at the restaurant. There are two parts to the answer. One, this kind of reaction requires a lot of privacy. The second one is that I would hate doing it them. One time, I had to shit so bad after such a lunch buffet, that we had to stop at a Dunkin’ Donuts and use their bathroom. This was a brand new branch that just opened a couple of days before I got there. They were smiling at me when I walked in but not when I left. The place just wasn’t the same again after that.


7 Responses to “Indian Buffet”

  1. memyselfandkids July 29, 2012 at 10:05 pm #

    That is some nasty stuff! I think you should bring reading material with you next time. It may allow you to go other places with more comfort.

    • shittydad July 29, 2012 at 10:20 pm #

      That’s a fantastic idea! I’ll make sure the Kindle is charged before the next time we go out to eat…

      • memyselfandkids July 29, 2012 at 10:27 pm #

        Cool. Now you can go up 4 times and not worry. Maybe, kindle could use this idea as part of it’s advertising.

  2. Menopausalmama July 30, 2012 at 10:25 pm #

    Sounds like my husband. He refuses to shit at work–because his co-workers will see him exit the bathroom and KNOW he is the one who dropped a bomb in there. So, he waits until he gets home to do his business. By then it is like someone dropped an atomic bomb on the house–surprised the whole house doesn’t explode after all that methane! But there is no helping it–every guy needs their “throne” of comfort–the rest of us just have to run and duck for cover!

    • shittydad July 30, 2012 at 11:44 pm #

      Or someone might come in after him and smell his shit. I’m with him on that…

  3. The Readist July 31, 2012 at 11:12 am #

    There is only one place for such an act to occur and that place is at home! Could you imagine someone walking in on you mid-shit?!?

  4. Cos Wicca Mom August 12, 2012 at 2:22 pm #

    Thanks for letting me know the shit in public thing is a guy thing and that my husband is not as weird as I thought! ūüôā

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