Guests

7 Aug

We love when guests from out of town come to visit and stay with us for a few days. Especially if it’s family. This was the case over the weekend.

The situation however, didn’t come without its challenges. No, I’m not talking about the fact that the kids stay with us in our room. If you read this shitty blog before, by now you know that the kids would end up in our bed at night anyway.

I’m talking about other things, more important. When you have guests you are unable to: Fart freely, so you have to find all kind of excuses to get out. But even then you are not safe because a neighbor might be outside and would want to start a conversation. So you find yourself stinking up the car because there is nowhere else to go. You pay for it the next morning when you get in to your car , and the farts that were locked in all night, don’t smell like your farts but someone else’s. Get naked, so you have to stay clothed until you go to sleep. My usual dress code at home in underwear, t-shirt optional. Shit when and where you want. We are limited to the bathroom in our bedroom, the one with all the plumbing issues. So every dump has a fifty fifty chance that all the shit from the entire building would rise and spill all over your floor, covering my feet with diarrhea from all walks of life. I shat with the plumbing snake next to me. Jerking off. Is there really more to say? OK, I’ll say more. The first night, The wife helped after the kids were asleep. After that, I was on my own, alone, in the dark, hiding in the bathroom, taking advantage of everybody going out for ten minutes leaving me all alone.

Thing is, that the moment I knew I couldn’t do these things freely, I needed to do them all the time….

 

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3 Responses to “Guests”

  1. memyselfandkids August 7, 2012 at 12:48 pm #

    Based upon these inconveniences you deal with when others are around, you must. really love guests.

  2. averagechildhood August 8, 2012 at 6:57 am #

    The being dressed all the time sucks. Also, it’s harder to just feed the kids cookies for supper when your mother in law is watching!

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