Turtle Head

8 Sep

I don’t like shitting in public places. I know from previous comments that I’m not alone in this. But sometimes a man’s got to do what a man’s got to do.

I had to take a dump so I went to the shitter at work. Two stalls, one urinal. Divided by plywood or something like that. I got in and set. I started doing my business and someone walked in and set on the other stool. I immediately resolved to code turtle head  (It looks like a turtle head sticking out of… figure it out on your own) and waited. I can’t perform like this. The guy barely set and started shitting his ass out. He was done in ninety seconds.

When he walked out of the booth, he slammed the door. As a result, my door opened. Thankfully, by the time it opened completely he was gone. So here I am sitting there with the door wide open. My worst nightmare I thought but it wasn’t over yet. So I decided to go for it and close the fucking door. With my pants to my knees I started frog walking. Then I heard the sound. Terrible sound.When you hear it you know you are fucked. It was the sound of the turtle head splashing on the floor.

And then someone walked in. I think (wishful) that I closed the door before he saw me.

Cleaning it was a bitch.

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5 Responses to “Turtle Head”

  1. memyselfandkids September 8, 2012 at 9:57 pm #

    Disgusting and hilarious.

  2. COS Wicca Mom September 10, 2012 at 9:24 pm #

    LMAO!! Oh, you poor man!!

  3. Menopausalmother September 10, 2012 at 10:16 pm #

    Sooo gross but so damn funny!! My husband refuses to poop at work unless he is “prairie dogging”. Never fails–the minute he drops trout, the boss walks in and takes the stall next to him. Thank GOD I work from home!!!!

    • Menopausalmother September 15, 2012 at 5:46 pm #

      Just added your link to my sidebar blog roll because your posts are always hilarious—-more people need to read this!!!

  4. malaproposdame September 14, 2012 at 11:11 pm #

    Laughed my ass off. I loved the imagery.

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